injured

a few days ago, I twisted hardly my ankle on my way to work. it made me realize,I'm grown up now, when something like that happens,  you have to manage pain and anxiety in your own, and get yourself into a hospital, in the less dramatic way you can! I guess I'm still a child inside, because sometime in the middle of the rush, I wanted to cry so badly, but I handled it and I kept myself all together, I'm a grownup now... so, you can't loose it! It maybe look ridiculous, but when you put yourself into a vulnerable position, that's what happens, unpredictable emotions pour out of your heart and body, a shaking body.

So I'm spending lots of time laying down, still, with some pain and really slowly healing... so I must run away to some place magic to feel that, somehow, slow healing may be a good thing... as long as it's healing..

I couldn't wait for the bandage to stay in my foot for a week... so I took it out... my foot was all bruised, in purples and yellows, all swollen and injured. It's funny how it scared me a bit, I'm not used to be injured this way,  I think I can only remember I once injured this way when I was a kid at school playground...

I'm happy I'm feeling all this love for a sudden... no inspiration, no creativity, just carving into my heart. Maybe new things come up from this phase... I'm at home, feeling all the walls that hold it. My baby dogs are side by side with me, they've slowed down their runs so they can walk beside me through the rooms. I have my big baby taking good care of me, I can't feel more grateful.

I took my bandage and I swam through the water, I'm in it... I'm into a phase, becoming Summer, it kind of scares me, good things have always freaked me out, but, this is how life works right? lets enjoy the ride, we don't know how much it will stay this way...

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embraced and awake

'and you wake up, while the butterflies weave'

a precious book I got signed by both wonderful writer and illustrator, Nina Da Lua and Joana Santamans.

I started the book outside in the porch, while the sun was hiding, and we were embraced by a late quiet evening... slow birds were preparing for a long sleep, and as I never, I confess, never read, I took this special moment for me. a gift. 

it's a book so filled with love, life knolewdge, a story of true living so beautifully created... check it out here 

before I noticed, I ended the book, movement came,  getting all set up for leaving headed to the mountains while the night was falling down.

next morning, the sun refused to come out, so I wandered through the different paths. Spring had managed to dye the landscape with intense greens and colorful flowers popping out. My wild cabin stood still, like no time had passed. It never changes, and that gives me the feeling, that no time goes by when you're inside... 

I've really noticed some things changing inside me... I've realized I've grown up, my body has changed this last year, I'm feeling older... it's taking me a while to accept I'm not in that young flesh anymore, but now, I feel it's ok, I can feel some kind of gratitude in it... these days I've appreciated something I have been away from... true nature, in spirit, in presence, with my whole honest soul. Slowing down, I've reached my true soul.

Next day, the sun was so bright, the sky so blue, the trees so handsome and splendid... I took the dogs for a walk around the messy paths full of wild scratchy bushes, and we got close to the small river... a path full of huge nettles almost makes us turn back, but we went through that rough way, and a wild small spot guide us through that hidden paradise... the dogs jumped into the water, the birds sang so loud, the trees danced nonstop with a warm breeze... and I got my feet bare and walked along the river. Icy water made my feet hurt for a bit, but then... I couldn't feel happier and beloved by nature. And I found myself, my old and young self, in that small hidden corner of the world, reconnecting with every piece of what surrounded me. I've reached my soul, I've given her some missing caring and love. So very little and so very much, it takes to heal...
(I only took a basket with some flowers I cut, a pair of scissors and my phone... so the pictures are not faithful to the beauty I saw...)

some trees looked like butterflies patterns...

look up, always look up at what covers our heads and plays shadows on our shoulders...

I got to say goodbye to the paradise so thankful, and hoping, I can keep this feeling for a while, I'm back, I'm less lost, I found a piece of me, sleeping in the frozen waters, I think, it's awaking now...

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hibernar

quiero aguardar,
mientras se desnuda ante mí
el manto helado
y, con el tiempo tras mi cristal,
regresen los brotes
y con ellos
la vida y el ruido.

mientras,

las noches tamizan de silencios

el invierno en agonías de frío.

quiero brotar luz en Abril.

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Otoño

Otoño nace,

huele a nuevo,

luz distinta 

esta vez, es analógica y digital

carretes de nuevos amaneceres

como toda primera vez, tal vez salgan vacíos, velados, ignorantes dedos la hicieron servir

como todo, y como lo que se acerca, es incierto, no hay garantía en este planeta,

todo se tuerce al 50%... eso es la vida, en todas sus formas,

en las que más me importan, y más cerca están... intentaremos dejar los porcentajes lejos de la vista

por ahora, mi rincón del alma... y a seguir caminando sobre la incerteza

y en busca de la belleza de lo desconocido

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heading into Fall

it feels as if Summer has filled me with what I needed to come back home this Fall. I feel as lots of things have happened this last year... a long way, away from home, and a long way back. But I feel, I'm arriving, it's home... I let Summer embrace me and invade me, so I can keep the stars and nature for this long Winter to come...

These pictures are taken with my phone, so they're not good ones... but I wanted to share them, they mean some kind of new steps... new way of feeding myself, with some respect for life, I'm thankful for trying, to bring harmony between my thoughts and my body... understanding my feelings, living according to my age, with a young soul, but a serene spirit.

I guess, I'm returning to myself, and loving me a bit better.

embraced

I can't explain quite well the feeling of being alone in this house... but is the way I feel less lonely... all my memories, are in every place I look... I can stare at that window... where once there was a plum tree where we use to pick so many plums between my grandmother and my mum... boxes full of them... now, a while ago, the tree died... time passes by... everything changes, but other things are still there, and I can stand beside them time... remembering the noises that home had once, the voices, smiles, unique moments, music, songs, laughs... this house was all but silence... and now... it has changed so much, but I can feel how all these chilhood embraces me and makes me feel warm and cozy, I feel like an invisible protection there. I love to spend time here by my self. This time, Boira stayed with me...

(sorry for some bad quality images, all have been taken with my phone...)

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